When Rock Bottom Sparks a Gratitude Movement | Lauren Zalewski

In the first live interview for the My Hero 360 series, Kerri Fitzgerald sits down with Lauren Zalewski, who has started an online gratitude movement through her Facebook group Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain. Lauren suffered with chronic illness and lupus-like symptoms for years, eventually turning to alcohol to cope with her pain. After a harrowing “rock bottom” experience, Lauren set out on a journey to practice gratitude and, in turn, sparked a powerful movement.

Key Highlights:

• Hear how Lauren Zalewski suffered in silence with chronic illness and pain, something nearly 1 in 5 people experience.
• Learn about how Lauren’s life changed when she started practicing gratitude.
• Hear about how Lauren founded the Facebook group Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain to help others struggling with a similar situation.
• Be inspired by Lauren’s outlook on life and hear some of her recommendations for coping with a difficult situation, such as journaling, mindfulness, and gratitude.

Transcript:

Kerri Fitzgerald:
Hello, and welcome to the first live taping of My Hero 360, a platform dedicated to amplifying the voices of individuals who are affecting positive change. My name is Kerri, and today we have Lauren Zalewski sharing her hero story. Lauren, it’s great to have you with us.

Lauren Zalewski:
Thank you so much for having me, Kerri. It’s a real honor to be here with you. I love what you guys are doing with this video series. It really strikes a chord with me, so it’s an honor to be included in these stories with other heroes. I’ve watched them and they’re really inspiring, so thank you for asking me.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
Thank you. To start, can you share a little bit about yourself to give our audience a little background on you?

Lauren Zalewski:
Sure. Gosh, I don’t know where to begin. I’ve been married for 30 years to my high school sweetheart, Rob. We have 2 grown children, Riley and Jake. When I was in my early… I’m 55 now, when I was in my early 30s, I got sick. It felt like the flu, and being in my area, which is a really rural area, Lyme disease is very prevalent and the symptoms were similar. I felt very, very achy, kind of like I’d been hit by a truck. I gave it a couple days and then I went to the doctor. They tested me for Lyme. It was negative, but he still declared that I had Lyme disease initially. It kept going on and on. It wasn’t leaving. Vision problems. It felt like when you have the flu, just very, very achy, run down. My kids were very small at the time. They were 3 and 5, I think. For a year, I went from doctor to doctor and specialist to specialist, trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.
I did go on antibiotics initially because of the Lyme, but that wasn’t helping, and I knew it wasn’t Lyme, at least back then the markers weren’t always correct in diagnosing so he said I had Lyme anyway. Eventually, I went to this brilliant doctor in New York City who said I have lupus and fibromyalgia, technically undifferentiated connective tissue disorder. I usually say those 2 words because they’re similar to what it is and it’s a lot less explanation. I’ve been living with that for 23 years now and have been trying to navigate this life of chronic pain. My life just changed on a dime, as it does with so many people with chronic pain and illness. I’ve made my life’s work since then trying to… I mean, I’ve gone through my ups and downs, which I’m sure we’ll talk about, but it’s not an easy life living with chronic pain and illness or life-altering injury or emotional pain, trauma, depression, all of that.
Pain is pain in my eyes, and so I’ve kind of made it my life’s mission because nobody talks to you about the emotional aspect of living with chronic pain and illness, and that’s where I think my rock bottom really started, was trying to deal with the emotional aspect of it. I’ve worked very, very hard over the past 11 years trying to flip the script, flip the narrative. I can talk more of the nitty gritty if you want in this intro or I don’t know when we wanted to get to that. But back in 2013, I’d already been living with it obviously for 20, no 10, 11 years or so. I turned to alcohol to self-medicate because none of the drugs were working, the treatments. I have a wonderful rheumatologist, she’s my main specialist, and she gave me medications to help deal with some of the symptoms. Not much was working at all. I fell into this really dark place where I felt helpless.
I didn’t want to join a support group because I thought that would be depressing talking to others about chronic pain and illness, which is kind of ironic now. But I just fell into this really dark place and my glass of wine at night turned into 2 glasses of wine, turned into a bottle, maybe even a bottle and a half, and I was hiding it, so I thought, from my family and myself. I didn’t realize I was really getting a problem. People knew I drank a little bit and they would always say to me, “If I lived with your pain, I would drink too.” I think that was giving me permission, in my mind, to drink. The alcoholic aspect didn’t last longer than maybe a year, but it got very, very bad. I had 2 DWIs, one in February of 2013, and the doctor at the hospital asked if I had an alcohol problem, I said no. My husband said no too because he didn’t know and I left.
I said, well, I just won’t drive when I drink any longer. Sounds perfectly logical to an alcoholic, not logical to anybody else. Then in June, so only a couple months later, I drove in a complete blackout, passed out behind the wheel of my car. Thankfully did not kill anybody, and I’m obviously still alive to talk about it, but I viewed that as a gift. It was the worst day of my life, but it was also the best day of my life. At the time, I wouldn’t have said that. But I was fortunate enough to go to a rehab in Connecticut that had a chronic pain program. I was inpatient for 30 days, and really it was the only place I’d ever gone where they tried to get to the root of what the real problem is; me, I’m my problem. The way I view my chronic pain and illness, the way I react to it is only exacerbating my physical pain. I spent a month learning about things like mindfulness, gratitude, which is really, really important to my own recovery.
Some of us form addictions to our chronic pain and illness. It becomes who we are instead of just an asterisk in our story. It’s easy to happen because when you get these life-altering things, it can really rule your life. After I got home from rehab, I was looking for Facebook groups. I found that talking to people was essential. I was looking for Facebook groups that help people with chronic pain, and I found a whole bunch, there’s thousands out there, but they were all very depressing. It was everybody kind of venting. Venting is very important. We need to do that in order to heal, but I was going in there and leaving in a worse mood than when I went in. I started a group called Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain. We’re about to celebrate our 10-year anniversary, and that’s really what I’ve been working on for the past 10 years. It’s a gift.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
Let’s talk a little bit more about gratitude. You’ve said that the single most powerful tool to emotional healing is gratitude, and you’ve also created this impactful support group to spread that message further. Can you talk about how you practice gratitude? What are some tips that people can use to use this in their own daily life?

Lauren Zalewski:
Sure. I think nowadays gratitude often gets eye rolls because it’s such a hot buzzword and has been for a while. I think a lot of people mistake what my message is in the group by saying, “Suck it up and deal with it. Just be grateful. It could be worse.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. Gratitude when used regularly as a tool can really rewire our brain. There are studies showing that we have an inborn negativity bias in us. It goes back to when we were cave people trying to save ourselves from saber-tooth tigers. We just default to the negative. If you’re living with pain all the time, or most of the time or even a little bit of the time, it’s difficult to get out of that negativity and that victim mode. No, it’s not fair. Why did this happen to me? Why me? You can lose yourself in that. I sure did. Those are very valid questions. Why me? It’s not fair. But living in that space was bringing me further down and making the pain worse.
Gratitude, like I said, can rewire your brain when you use it on a regular basis, and that can mean a lot of different things. I have written a couple of gratitude journals. You can certainly do journals. I also found, and I used to have a show, and I interviewed this one doctor from the UK who did studies on gratitude, and she said that gratitude practiced with others is far more impactful than doing it yourself. Even though I’ve written gratitude journals, they’re very important, and you can do it on your own, but when practiced in the company of others, it’s more impactful. That’s something I promote. Gratitude and connection equals hope, I often say. That’s part of what the group is about, just being able to express our gratitude together. When you’re not feeling grateful, that’s the most important time to practice gratitude. You can find gratitude in pretty much anything.
I have my eyesight right now. I am able to stand up and walk. I have clean drinking water. I have food in my refrigerator. Even if it’s something small, practicing it regularly will eventually change your mindset. You start looking for things to be grateful for. It’s when it’s used as a regular tool. If you do it for a week and you don’t see a difference, it requires ongoing practice. In the group, we have a variety of daily posts in the mornings; we set daily intentions. Everything’s optional, by the way. Some people just lurk. For me, if they’re getting anything out of the group, that’s a big win. We have 11,500 members as of this recording. When I first started it, I think people were very confused. Like, “How can you have a chronic pain group where you’re not allowed to talk about your pain?” I started doubting myself. I’m like, well, maybe this is wrong. But there’s thousands of other groups where you can do that.
I wanted a place where people can come to be a safe sanctuary where you can escape from everybody else talking about their pain, where you’re with other people who truly understand what you’re going through, but maybe this person found something to be grateful for today so maybe I can find gratitude in that. We set daily intentions in the morning. I list what national days are that day in this post. Then setting a daily intention I have found helps us to have a loose roadmap for the day written in pencil, because things can change in 5 minutes, but if you say, “Today I’m going to take a shower,” which can be a very big deal for people with chronic pain and illness. It’s just something to strive for. If you don’t do it, it wasn’t a goal, it’s just an intention. Semantics maybe, but I’ve found that it works. These are posted at the same time every day. We do a daily gratitude post. What are you grateful for today?
If you don’t want to do a gratitude journal, you can just come to the group and find something to write down or you can read everybody else’s. Gratitude can be practiced in so many different ways. I think people automatically default to, “I better get a gratitude journal.” Journaling is great, but there’s so many other ways. I’ve started practicing with my cousin who lives in Rhode Island. We text each other every night something we’re grateful for. Back in 2016, which I can’t believe was 8 years ago, but I embarked on this self-imposed Facebook project I called the My Gratitude Project, and my own rules were, I was going to say 1 thing on Facebook I was grateful for every day and elaborate a little bit. My rules were I couldn’t repeat if I remembered and nothing of monetary value. I wanted others to relate to it. I was very ambitious when I set off on this. By April, I’m like, oh my gosh, I’m running out of things. But that project was so impactful for me and really showed the benefits of a daily practice, and eventually it started getting a following.
People were really looking forward to my posts. Originally, I thought they’d get annoyed with Ms. Lala. That was a great project for me. One year I also did a gratitude poster board on my wall in a basement, and I would put pictures up of things you’re grateful for. There’s so many different ways you can practice it that are very simple. They also say there are studies showing that if you do it right before bed, that’s a really good idea, 3 things you’re grateful for before you go to bed. For me, my baseline of gratitude is thinking back to that day, June 20, 2013, where I know that things could have been a whole lot different. After that, I could be in jail, I could have killed somebody, but I didn’t. Not only was it a wonderful wake-up call for me, I can look back and anything is better than that day. No matter how much pain I’m in, I can look back at that day. I use that as my baseline.
It took off. The group was slow to take off the first year or so, but then people started coming over and I was realizing I was onto something with this because people were looking for that safe sanctuary and maybe not feeling grateful at all, and that’s very, very normal because some days it’s really difficult to find things. But yeah, it’s been powerful and impactful, and I feel very, very humbled to kind of be the person steering the ship on this project because 1 in 5 people live with some kind of chronic pain in the United, actually worldwide I think it is now, but in particular the United States has a lot of different autoimmune things and all of that. I feel very, very blessed to be able to do this one thing and to help teach people about the benefits of gratitude when you’re living with chronic pain and illness. It’s powerful. It’s not just a buzzword. If it’s put into practice, it can really, really help you find hope, find your smile again. It certainly did for me.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
You were very intentional when you set this group, that it was not a place for people to talk about their medical conditions or treatment. Why was that important for you to really have the group focus on positivity and gratitude?

Lauren Zalewski:
Yeah, that’s a great question. Originally when I started it, I was getting some pushback from others in the chronic pain community saying I was silencing people, not letting them talk. I understood their arguments; however, my mindset is always, there’s a million other groups for that, and it is important. We need to be able to vent and talk about our pain in order to heal, but some people, and I used to be one of those people, would just stay stuck in that place. I wanted to offer a place that was solution-based. Changing our mindset, how we view our chronic pain and illness can make all the difference. Why make it worse by staying stuck in the why me’s? We actually do offer live chats 3 times a week where people can come and vent. We offer it on Zoom. A lot of people, they quit the other groups they belong to and come to us exclusively.
After a couple of years, it was important to me to be able to offer that space where they knew they were getting the Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain kind of comfort, but we offer them 1 hour, 3 days a week at different time zones, so people from all over the world can come. Oftentimes they actually don’t vent about their chronic pain, but it’s certainly there for them. But in the group itself, it was important to me to stay positive because I said that safe sanctuary was important to me. I don’t want people that are already having a really bad day to come and to hear a really sad story about somebody else having a really bad day because that’s not solution-based, but changing our attitude toward our situation, and for me, that’s by gratitude paired with connection. It can make such a difference. My life has opened up and I still live with chronic pain and illness, but I’m living a life beyond my wildest dreams. I’m happily sober, but also sober… In a way, I’m in recovery from being addicted to the emotional effects of my chronic pain and illness.
I think initially that pushback I mentioned, I started doubting what I was doing, but when I saw them starting to come in by the hundreds and now several thousand, I realized I was onto something. It’s not for everybody, but for some it’s everything.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
When you started it, did you find that this was a void that was kind of missing in that chronic illness community?

Lauren Zalewski:
For sure. For sure. I looked all over and once in a while I would see somebody in a group posting a wonderful positive quote, and I really appreciated that. I started thinking, well, what if I did a group all positive quotes? What would that be? If you get a bunch of people together who truly understand, maybe our situations are different, but the emotional aspect of living with chronic pain and illness and pain of any kind is the same. I don’t want to speak for everybody, but for me, I was in an emotional hell. Offering this space that’s solution-based where people can come and maybe get 1 little golden nugget that helps them get through the day, that’s a positive. Once we start allowing people to vent in the group, and again, I preface, it’s very important to be able to do that, then it just becomes all the other groups. There was no other group, and as far as I know, even 10 years later, I don’t think there’s been any other groups pop up quite like ours.
It makes me so happy when I hear members all the time tell me that their families notice a difference in them. That is a huge, huge win. I’m proud of them for taking a chance because I map it out before you join the group what the mission is. Originally, it was definitely a learning curve for people in the early years. They couldn’t get around that. Now we very rarely have to remove a post. People are very invested in it. But boy, when somebody says my husband noticed a difference, my kids notice a difference, that’s huge and that just tells me what I’m doing, what the group is doing, I mean, getting all these people, like-minded people who want the same thing together in a solution-based environment is incredibly powerful. It’s very humbling.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
How can people join the group? Is it referral-based? How have you found that members have found you and the group?

Lauren Zalewski:
It is a private group, but it’s visible on Facebook. If you search Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain, put in your membership request, there’s a couple of questions: How did you find out about us? Things like that. Nothing hard. But we welcome people not just with physical pain, people that are suffering from depression, PTSD, anxiety.
Because I truly, truly think that the root, the emotional pain, of all of that is so similar. Even if you don’t participate, participation, all of that is optional. Like I said, if you are reading and getting something out of it, that’s great. We offer several sister groups, also cooking and crafting club, a journaling club, daily affirmation, several different sister groups that offer separate tools still under the AOG (Attitude of Gratitude of Chronic Pain) umbrella. People know they’re safe, they feel safe in that environment, and they know that we have their backs on that. Yes, I encourage everybody who needs something like this, please join us. We’re waiting for you.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
That’s great. I want to talk a little bit more about the chronic pain aspects. Oftentimes I feel like sometimes chronic pain can be, or invisible illness, even, like you mentioned, mental health, right, can sometimes be dismissed or downplayed, but it can really significantly impact your day-to-day life. What has been experience with that?

Lauren Zalewski:
Yeah, it’s interesting. I’ve gotten to experience both perspectives, invisible like I am now. I don’t think I look very sick right now. Hopefully, I don’t. But also, I have some neurological issues that pop up from time to time that make my illness very visible. I get the tremors very badly along with a host of other things. I get treated very differently when it’s invisible and visible. Not by any fault of anybody else. Nobody knows what I’m struggling with on the inside, which is a win and is a testament to the work that I do on myself, but I think there is kind of a, I don’t know if stigma is the right word, but people that don’t walk in your shoes when you live with chronic pain. They just don’t know. I know I’ve spoken to many other members of the group, other people who struggle with chronic pain and illness, and we often wish that the people that are around us that may question us, we wish they could live in our shoes just for 5 minutes so they can experience it.
Because sometimes we put on a happy face, but inside we are screaming and it’s all we can do to get through the day. It is not an easy life. None of us planned this. You don’t embark on your life and say, “Oh, I’m going to have this major plot twist and have to navigate life.” Many lose their occupations and their families, often spouses, and so invisible illness can often be… People can say, “Just suck it up and deal with it.” Or others can say, “My aunt lived with that and this is what she did.” All very well-meaning, very well-meaning, but it can be definitely a struggle. Understanding would be helpful because I think I already said 1 in 5 people live with chronic pain. So many people I talked to who I didn’t even know have chronic pain and have some kind of autoimmune disorder. It’s very, very prevalent here in the United States especially. If somebody tells you that they’re struggling, believing them and understanding and trust because I don’t know of anybody who would just make it up.
If you are one of those people who knows somebody with invisible illness, please steer them toward our group. If you feel like they’re stuck in their pain and they can’t get out of it themselves, and they’re always, always negative, steer them toward the group. Maybe they want to join, maybe they don’t, but at least there’s a solution. The solution being changing your attitude toward your current situation, and gratitude can be a huge part of that.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
You’ve authored a few books, one of which is about journaling, and we spoke about this earlier in the conversation. Can you talk about journaling and kind of the impacts it’s had on you and why you recommend it for other people?

Lauren Zalewski:
Yeah. Journaling is another powerful tool. I mentioned gratitude journals like mine are really powerful. I did one for teen boys, a 5-minute journal for teen boys. Actually, a publisher came to me finding the group and saying, “Would you want to write these books?” It’s kind of strange how it happened, but I wrote the Gratitude Journal first, and then he came to me and said, “Do you know anything about intentions?” I said, “As it happens, we do daily intentions in the group.” That’s the 52-week intention journal, and it’s broken up into 52 different kind of topics. I offer prompts to give people a chance to reflect and look toward solutions in your life. But as far as journaling goes in particular, I find that writing things down on paper, and there are many, many studies that say this, writing things down, writing your gratitude down is more powerful than just thinking it. It’s a very intentional act. I’m mimicking writing here, but it’s a very intentional act.
It causes you to take pause, practice the pause, reflect and really open your eyes to what is around, who’s in your life, what you’re grateful for. You can find things like I did in my project of 2016. I found 366 different things. You can always find something. Digging deep is often the best because you’re seeing things. Like in this room, perhaps you’re in this room all the time, you don’t recognize the beautiful paintings on the wall, but when you’re forced to really look, it’s very impactful. One of the chapters in the book encourages people to go outside, look around you as if you’re a 3-year-old seeing the outside for the first time, and watch that gratitude come pouring in. I offer a lot of tips like that for people to find that gratitude. Writing it down on paper, to me, it’s like an exclamation point on finding your gratitude, and you can always look back. But yeah, it forces you to really, really look. My prompts in the book hopefully help you to be able to dive deep.
I mentioned a bit ago that doing it when you’re not feeling very grateful is impactful and really is more important than doing it on days where you do feel grateful. Just recognize if you’re having a hard time finding something, how normal that is. But you can always find something. Even in a life of chronic pain and illness, you can always find a little something. The more you do it, the deeper you’re able to dig and writing it down is a very intentional act where it’s just kind of like an insurance policy. It’s kind of stuck with you. You’ve written it down now and then hopefully the next day you can do it again and find something maybe even a little bit deeper the next time. But it’s very, very powerful to be able to write in a gratitude journal. There’s a million gratitude journals out now, so obviously other people know they’re impactful.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
You did 365 days of different things that you were grateful for?

Lauren Zalewski:
I did.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
That’s really incredible.

Lauren Zalewski:
I did, yeah. By April, I was kind of stuck, and I’m like, how am I going to do this? Boy, that was really digging deep every single day. I was amazed at some of the things I found. Some of them were funny. I remember people reference this all the time who read it, but there was one day in April I said sriracha, like the hot sauce. They weren’t all silly like that. Most of them were important. I just found one yesterday that just talked about living in America and how I feel blessed to live in America, and we have members from all over the world. We’re global, so we have people from all over. It’s not just United States. But yeah, that project was really impactful. I’ve had people that have taken it upon themselves to do it for a month and putting it on Facebook was a similar act to writing it down in a journal. It was me forced to look at something, put it into words and put it out there. It was really powerful. Do it for a week. It’s another great tactic for putting gratitude in your life.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
Yeah. What advice would you give to someone who’s just starting out on this path to gratitude? Like you said, it’s a practice. It’s something that takes time. What advice and words of wisdom would you give?

Lauren Zalewski:
Yeah. People that are newly diagnosed or injured, they’re not going to be wanting to find gratitude at first, and that’s natural. Their lives are going to be probably composed of trying to figure out why things are going on and all that. Most of our members of the group, which is a free group, by the way, so please everybody join. People that join usually have had been sick for a while, maybe a couple months, maybe a couple decades when they come across us. But trying to find it, don’t be hard on yourself because it’s not easy. I put a mindfulness exercise in the group every day too for people that… I believe mindfulness is so important too. Just a couple minutes a day just to recalibrate and breathe. But don’t be hard on yourself. If you’re having a hard time finding gratitude, don’t quit. It really is the consistent practice, maybe 5 days a week, maybe 3 days a week; 7 days a week I think is the best.
But don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t find it, because living with chronic pain and illness is not a walk in the park. I kind of joke around when I went to this rehab that I didn’t fly there on the wings of victory. I was at a really dark, desperate place. I remember that the doctor in charge of the program, which isn’t there anymore, unfortunately, talking about gratitude, and I thought he was crazy. What do we have to be grateful for? Eventually, I started finding my smile again. Just trust in the studies, trust in the fact that the more you practice it, even if it is the same thing for every day, that’s okay. You will eventually see sun through the clouds. You will eventually find hope where you think hope was lost. I think that if we didn’t have just a speck of hope, we wouldn’t continue to keep going. Perhaps this is something you’re going to live with for the rest of your life. Do you want to stew in that misery or do you want to be proactive and actually do something you can control?
That’s your attitude toward living with chronic pain and illness. You don’t have to like it at all. Acceptance is hard, but that’s a really crucial part of finding emotional serenity with this is acceptance. You don’t have to like it, but you do need to accept it if you want to move on on this journey with personal growth and finding gratitude and hope in your life again.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
Right. It sounds like an incredible group that’s offering an impactful message to a lot of people, and I think the idea of gratitude is probably something literally everyone can and should lean into, so that’s really wonderful.

Lauren Zalewski:
Thank you. I’m very proud of it.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
We like to conclude each of My Hero interviews asking if you could, what would you tell and advise your younger self?

Lauren Zalewski:
Oh gosh. My younger self… Obviously, if I had known, I would’ve started practicing this stuff earlier so I didn’t have to go down that rock bottom. I do firmly believe that my rock bottom happened for a reason so that I can eventually help others who live in that emotional anguish. I would tell myself to chill out a little bit and realize that living with chronic pain and illness doesn’t need to mean game over. It’s not the way we expected our lives to be, but coming to that place of acceptance and doing a shift in our trajectory, perhaps our root is going to be different, but we all want the same thing, and that’s to be included, to find hope, to find joy, fulfillment in our lives. We all want the same things, and perhaps our root is going to be a little more tricky to find those things, but it can be found by simply changing our attitude toward it.
I have pity parties all the time. I give myself 24 hours for a pity party, and then I need to move on. The party’s over now and I need to suit up and show up to the day, whatever that means on any particular day, and walk this journey toward hope because the journey’s wonderful. God-willing, I have a whole lot of life left to live, and I’d rather live it with a smile on my face than being angry and screaming, “Why me?”

Kerri Fitzgerald:
Yeah. Thank you for what you’re doing, Lauren, and thank you for sharing this with us, with My Hero. I hope a lot more people go and check out your group because it’s really doing important things for others. Thank you again.

Lauren Zalewski:
Thank you.

Kerri Fitzgerald:
Thank you for joining us on My Hero today.

Lauren Zalewski:
Thank you for asking me. It’s truly an honor.
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Connect with Lauren Zalewski and Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain:
https://www.gratitudeaddict.com/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/attitudeofgratitudewithchronicpain/
https://www.instagram.com/gratitude_addict/
https://x.com/gratitudeaddict
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gratitudeaddict/
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